


Anything

by watsonsoulmate



Category: Sherlock BBC
Genre: Fic, Jim Moriarty - Freeform, John Watson - Freeform, M/M, Textfic, johniarty, sherlock bbc - Freeform, text
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-14
Updated: 2016-12-14
Packaged: 2018-09-08 15:25:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8850220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watsonsoulmate/pseuds/watsonsoulmate
Summary: John Watson's diary after Sherlock's suicide.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [to all the johniarty fandom](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=to+all+the+johniarty+fandom).
  * A translation of [Qualunque](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/247990) by me, as well. 



> DICLAIMER: This story contains topics such as: depression, hallucinations and other psychotic depression symptoms. You have been warned.

**Feb 20 th, 2012  
** _Come back. For God’s sake, come back.  
Sherlock I **[illegible because of the nervous handwriting, part of the ink is dissolved by tears]**  
Sherlock  
Sherlock come back  
Oh god  
please  
This can’t be true, please_ **  
  
March 5 th, 2012  
** _The voices keep talking to me and I keep seeing you at the back of the same bole  
Why do you hide?  
Every time I run to that tree you aren’t there anymore. **  
**Sherlock Sherlock Sherlock **[illegible repetitions, scrawls caused by delirium]**  
I spent the last two weeks to your grave and now food disgusts me  
you saved me from the spectre of the war, no one will save me from your death now  
I’m dying  
The demons are coming to get me_  
  
 **June 5 th, 2012**  
 _Why don’t you come back, you god damn bastard?  
I loved you and you leaved me  
Now I hate you with all of my heart  
Come back to me  
Now I have an imaginary friend, he hates you too  
 **[part of the sheet is ripped off]  
**_ **  
July 10 th, 2012  
** _Maybe if I were one of your beloved serial killers, you would have given me more attention.  
Maybe I wouldn’t be alone now, would I?  
you have always liked criminals more than good people, even when those good people risked their life to be by your side.  
I’m sure that if it weren’t for work, you would have indecently flirted with Moriarty  
Or maybe it happened anyway?  
 ~~cheater~~  
 **[contradictions, scrawls, page ripped in half]  
**_ **  
July 20 th, 2012  
** _The fury of the abandonment grows everyday more and I don’t know how much I can still resist before I hurt someone  
My friend says bad, almost perverted things  
Depression is slowly taking me away and I do not feel mercy anymore,   
for no one  
I hope the world dies today  
I’m a bad person now, just like you  
_  
 **  
July 25 th, 2012  
** _The voices sing about my death, my friend smiles.  
Sometimes alcohol makes the song stop  
Sometimes instead it makes the song an agonizing, grotesque scream  
 ~~I’m scared, save me~~_  
 **  
Nov. 2 nd, 2012  
** _It’s your fault if this happened, don’t try to deny it  
Sherlock it’s all your fault, your fault, your fault, your fault **[scrawls, holes in the paper]**  
I was so drunk, I didn’t recognize his lineaments  
that fucking pub and his intermittence lights  
oh god Sherlock, I slept with that man  
he knew   
he made it on purpose  
you’re both bastards, I see why you liked him so much  
he deceived me  
 **[scrawls, tears]**  
but yet, this is what you deserve  
we slept on your bed  
 ~~the touch of his hands reminded me of yours~~_  
  
 **Nov. 15 th, 2012  
** _I went to that pub to get drunk again, my friend threatened to kill me if I didn’t_  
 _He was there, he approached me again_  
 _Why do he always chooses me?_  
 _yet I didn’t reject him, I knew his name this time but he made me feel so good_  
 _for a couple of hours the world has disappeared, you have disappeared_  
 _or maybe, I was just pretending to be with you  
_ **  
Dicember 30 th, 2012** _  
It has become so frequent that I couldn’t live without it even if I wanted  
He whispered in my ear, saying that he wants to see and touch me when I’m sober too, that I probably have some other potential outside of the bedroom  
I feel that he’s the only one I don’t hate in this stupid world  
What have we become?  
_  
 **January 20 th, 2013**  
 _I have no need to be drunk to let myself go now  
It’s wrong but it’s the only way I can live  
I can’t believe he’s so gentle  
like you never were  
 ~~I think I’m developing feelings for James, and I can’t help it~~_  
  
 **March 2 nd, 2013**  
 _James always says that I’m his captain and that nothing bad will happen to me ever again, that anyone that hurts me will cry blood tears  
He explained what made him like this  
No one can understand him better than me  
But now we’re together and that’s what matters  
 ~~He said he loves me, and in that moment, the song stopped~~_ ~~~~  
  
 **June 3 rd, 2013**  
 _I’ve never been so happy, pleasing Jim is all that matters to me_  
Working with him makes me full of adrenaline, I never thought I would do something like this  
I don’t care about nobody else, I would do anything for James.  
Anything  
 **[little drops of blood on sheet’s angle]**  


End file.
